Book opposes
legislatures controlling women’s bodies, Dump charges.
An Alabama state legislator has introduced a bill to ban the new novel “Miss Carrie,” charging that the book is ethically unchristian and rebels against legislatures’ rights to control women’s bodies.
Dump—a south Alabama senator known for rabidly opposing un-American efforts to warp young minds through literacy, the arts, and public displays of opinion—said he has also filed a federal lawsuit against the new novel, hoping to ban it “in all 48 states, and those other areas we own, too.” He noted that he has requested to address the United Nations, seeking a global censoring of “Miss Carrie.”
“I was so mud-cat mad, I even called the CIA director, urging him to send a drone over Marion, Michigan…but don’t print that.”
Marion is the home of Parkhurst Brothers, Publishers, which recently released “Miss Carrie.” Asked to comment on Sen. Dump’s actions and statements, publisher Ted Parkhurst—after rolling on the floor laughing for five minutes—returned to the phone and said:
“The novel is set in Arkansas during World War II. It’s a touching story of an orphaned boy's relationship with the inhabitant of a small town's ‘haunted house.’ It will keep you guessing, right up to the satisfying ending. But to say the novel and its title have anything to do with current politics, well…”
From there, the phone went silent, except for the sound of uncontrollable laughter in the distance.
Dump was later told of Parkhurst’s response.
“That makes me so garl-darned mad, I just accidentally ripped up my membership card to the Ku…never mind.”
Folks who read this story on the Internet should stay alert for a statement from Snopes, the fact-checking site. Sometime in the next two years, it will declare that--while Parkhurst Brothers actually has just published a touching novel called "Miss Carrie" set in Arkansas during World War II--this online report is a satire.
